Coming to terms with reality.

There is only way to go, and that is forward. In life, we can't move backwards. Each stage of life presents us with various responsibilities that we have to undertake to become men of stature in society, whether we like it or not. 

I've always believed that the fun, frolic and merry making between me and my best friends would last forever. Even when I had to move away from my erstwhile home, to a new one, 1000's of kilometres away from pretty much the 8 people I cared about ever, I wasn't that sad. I was so sure that I'd eventually move back once the reason for which I moved was no longer valid! But it was not to be. I blindly believed that my friends would stay where they were. Why would they want to leave Bombay? It was awesome then, in four years it would be a hundred times more awesome! But as I learnt, sometimes painfully and sometimes gratefully throughout my college life, nothing will ever turn out to be the way you imagined it. Even laundry day can go horribly wrong. My only crippling issue during the early years of college was that I would get phased out among my friends. That coupled with my latent fears of abandonment, just messed me up. I imagined the worst possible scenarios and being extremely possessive about my friends, I couldn't bear it. There was no phone calls every alternate day, no discussion of the first game of the season, no discussion of the new map on our favourite MMORPG. It was difficult, breathing was difficult. Irrational attachment was the noose around my neck. But the truth was far off from anything I had imagined. They were all just getting used to their new surroundings by befriending new people, exploring the places and thereby putting in time into their new relations. Soon I did the right thing. I moved on to do the things any newbie in a new place would do.

Here I am now four painful years of maturing and growing up later, having completely understood certain facets of the dynamics of generally every relation. What I now realize as being the most important component, was trust! Trust that my friends haven’t forgotten me and that once they’ve settled down, they will call and things will be great again. Eventually this did happen and my faith was rekindled and the fear, doused a little. Once I could establish a pattern, my concerns were slashed in half. But the reminders of old scars never failed to whip up a minor panic attack.

Recently, after college got over and I started my job, I visited my friends. I was the first of our group to start working. I asked them all what the next step was. The placed friend was waiting for his call letter, two others were prepping for entrances and one got in for masters there itself and other was pursuing a decently successful career in music. I was extremely happy for these guys. They were making headway. Nobody was in decision making limbo. But another realisation hit me. They were soon going to spread throughout the country and some might even leave it. Getting together and catching up would probably turn into a rare occurrence until all of them were settled down with proper jobs. They are a very important part of my life, a big influence in making me who I am today and now they were separating, going their own way and creating a new life for themselves. The pieces that’d made my life whole were now shooting away, leaving me an incomplete shell of a man. Before college I was sure a permanent reunion was in the books once I could return to my old home. But change is inevitable and being able to come to terms with that reality is the best thing one can do for oneself. Today I know that wherever we will be, we’ll always be in touch with one another through some or the other medium and even though it will never return to the frequency of my liking, calls, pings and mails will be returned and birthdays remembered and friendships cherished. Today I am finally proud of myself for being able to get rid of my crippling fears by simply applying rational thought to emotion and shedding some light on some troubling matters and be able to move on with my life without having to forget or give up on something. This is me coming to terms, with my reality.